Gay Family Life: We’re Adopting a Baby

The Big News = Adoption

OK, let’s get right to the point. Alfred and I decided to adopt a baby. It’s basically THE BIGGEST DECISION of my life. I always thought I understood what a big decision felt like but I had no idea. No other decision made me feel simultaneously happy, sad, scared, and excited with a dash of anxiety-induced pooping… and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many things we needed to consider from the very start of our discussions regarding children. When we first decided we would have a child, it was necessary to decide between adoption or in vitro fertilization. For us, it was really as simple as a cost analysis. We know we can love a child we adopt just as much as a child who is genetically and biologically related to us. So it really came down to costs. With a price tag of $100K+ for surrogacy and the like, adoption is the best option coming in at approximately $30K. I may sound a bit cold to approach from this perspective but it really is what is best for us. That additional $70K we don’t spend can be put towards the care and well-being of our son or daughter.

Gay Family: We're Adopting a Baby
InspiredImages / Pixabay

So we began to look at our options for the adoption process and found a wonderful service called Lifelong Adoptions that has a long history of serving LGBT families and receives great reviews from the Human Rights Campaign. We submitted an application, went through an interview, and received notice of our acceptance into the organization’s adoption program. The really cool part of this process is Lifelong Adoptions accepts very few people per month to their program which helps them have a higher success rate.

Now, we are simply gathering the funds to actually pay for the adoption process. As a result, we won’t begin the process until November 2018. But it’s happening. I’m going to be a dad and I’m very excited about it all!

Gay Life: We Are Adopting a Baby - My Normal Gay Life
Alexas_Fotos / Pixabay
How’s Life Going to Change?

Well, of course adding a child to our family does complicate life a bit. I am a travel writer and I travel quite a lot. Adopting a child means I will likely travel less while we get use to the new dynamic in our lives. But I can promise you all that I am not giving up on my dream or the career I’ve built around my dream. Alfred and I discussed this aspect of adoption and came to the decision that neither of us should give up on our careers, our dreams, or our goals. It’s sort of the same concept I discussed here about being in a relationship and traveling solo. While we are so excited to create a family together, we have no intention of just dropping everything that defines us and brings us happiness. That’s important too! Instead, we plan to adapt to our new circumstances. For example, once the baby is older, I might travel with him or her. There are a million scenarios and ways this could play out so we’ll just take it one day at a time. The one constant in life is change. You can always count on it happening and, when it does, it’s really important to roll with and make the best of it.

In the last 8 years:

  • I graduated from undergrad
  • Moved back home
  • Opened and closed an art gallery
  • Worked three jobs
  • Started and completed two graduate programs
  • Met my boyfriend/future husband
  • Almost broke up with my boyfriend/future husband
  • Moved three times
  • Successfully worked on my mental health
  • Married my husband
  • Bought two homes
  • Adopted three pets
  • Became a travel writer
  • Visited countless countries and cities

That’s a lot of change! Through it all, I simply adapted myself to the situations I helped create. Sometimes circumstances were very difficult and sometimes things were smooth sailing. But no matter what, I kept my head up and pushed forward. There is no reason adding a child to our family should be any different. Will things be different? Yes. But we are already a rather unconventional family. I have no doubt that we will be great parents while also continuing to achieve our goals.

Gay Life: We Are Adopting a Baby - My Normal Gay Life Blog
Hanging out at Bathsheba Rock
The Future of My Normal Gay Life

The first thing I need to make clear is I’m not a fortune teller. There is no way for me to say with certainty what may or may not happen in the future. Could My Normal Gay Life tank? Yes, of course it could fail. But adopting a child will not be the reason for it’s failure. Irrespective of the adoption, the blog could totally fail for any number of reasons including anything from a lack of interests on my side of things to someone buying me out. The future is never certain. But I absolutely have full intentions to keep My Normal Gay Life alive and chugging forward. As I’ve previously said, I’ll travel less but I will still travel. I will still create the best content, give you the best travel tips, and publish the best travel stories within my power.

But I’m also beginning to work on a few new projects related to the My Normal Gay Life. Soon I’ll have some really neat LGBT supportive merchandise available for purchase. I’m working on the designs now. On top of that, I’m beginning to write a book about travel which is very exciting. And lastly, I’m starting a trip planning business. Those are only a few of my projects coming up. So I have more than enough to keep me busy and keep My Normal Gay Life alive and well.

Let’s not forget My Normal Gay Life is all about me living my own normal  and that normal can and will change over time. I just hope you all stick around for the crazy ride!

Gay Life: We Are Adopting a BabyThe Role of Travel In My Life

In life, there are quite a few things that make me happy. Travel is a major cause of happiness in my life life so I don’t plan to eliminate it. While having a child is a major decision and brings huge change, it doesn’t mean I’ll give up the things that make me happy. There’s an old say, everything in moderation, and I think it applies to travel too. You see I currently don’t have very much holding me at home. But with the advent of a child things definitely will change. Mostly, I’ll need to travel a bit less for the first few years of our child’s life. But that does not equate to absolutely no travel. It means…less.

I love travel. I love waking up in a new place, exploring off-the-beaten-path destinations, and immersing myself in cultures I don’t understand. Learning from those experiences is what makes travel worth it. With that being said, travel will always be part of my life. There’s no doubt about that at all. But life changes and with these changes comes the need for us to adapt to our circumstances. I enjoy sharing the adventure with Alfred and I cannot wait to share the experiences with our child too! We just have to work our way towards it and have smaller adventures in the meantime.

Now, it’s time for our next big adventure which I’m sure will be quite the ride!


Why you will never regret a travel adventure! Read more!

Read about the 5 Ways Travel Improves Relationships.

Why I love Fun (and you should too! Check out these 5 reasons for fun! 


It’s crazy, right?
Let me know what you think below in the comments!

J Harvey

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Gay Life: We Are Adopting a Baby- My Normal Gay Life Blog

J. Harvey

J Harvey is a travel writer based in North Carolina. With two masters degrees, he decided to forget working a normal 9-5 job and instead create a travel blog focusing on travel for a more inclusive community. He hopes to increase LGBT representation within the travel industry while inspiring others to travel in whatever capacity.

J. Harvey has 125 posts and counting. See all posts by J. Harvey

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