Most successful relations experience a bit of insecurity at some point during their course. The difference between a successful and an unsuccessful relationship is how those involved decide to handle and react to the insecurity.
As a younger person, I dated many guys. Some of those guys were just not the right fit for me and/or vice versa. Sometimes these things aren’t meant to be and that’s just life. But in many instances, I just felt inadequate and not good enough to be in a relationship. So, for me, it was easier to end it before I became further invested and risked being hurt.
So I’d walk away only to repeat the same destructive cycle each time. As I grew a bit older and emotionally, I realized the importance of a long-term relationship to my life. I began to long for the security, support, and love I saw in other people’s relationships. But even this desire wasn’t enough to make me see the way (so to speak). As I’ve recounted many times before, I almost lost everything I hold dear. That’s when I decided it was time to change and grow as an individual.
What did I have to do in order to become a better person in my relationship? Well, basically, it all surrounded insecurities. Insecurities are a relationship killer. They cause us to do and say things we might not normally do or say and it’s usually brought on by fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of loss. Fear heartbreak. And you know what all these fears have in common? They are all about the person as an individual. In reality, a relationship involved two people. If we linger on these fears which lead to insecurity, our relationships are doomed. That’s not to say some fears are not justified. But we need to address them in a healthy way.
In order to address fears and insecurities then you need to...
1) Leave your baggage behind.
Yeah, we’ve all had bad experiences. But when you are in a relationship, it’s important to try your best to be in that relationship and not continue to relive the events of your past. Make sure you are ready for a relationship before you get into one. And if you do…leave your baggage behind.
2) Don’t compare this time with last time.
This goes with leaving your baggage behind. Your last relationship did not succeed for whatever reason. So don’t compare this relationship to that one. It is bound to bring up bad emotions and cause bad emotions. Remember this is a new relationship which means a new start.
3) Don’t read into things.
It can be difficult but don’t read into every little thing. Texts messages are not good indicators of emotion and sometimes a text is just a text. Give your significant other the benefit of the doubt at the very least.
4) Realize no relationship is perfect.
If you expect to have a perfect relationship then you are bound to fail. No one is perfect. That means no relationship is perfect. All we can do is try to fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum and love despite our imperfections.
5) Let go of paranoia over nothing.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend hasn’t answered a text message. They might just be busy. This and other examples of paranoia can be a real relationship downer. Nothing screams insecurity more than verbally expressing your paranoia to others. Try to check yourself before you allow it to wreck your relationship. 6) Communicate
So…something is bothering you. Don’t be afraid to voice yourself. Tell your significant other what is on your mind. If you don’t then these things can erupt into a huge blowout and cause detriment to your relationship. Communication is key.
7) Don’t become dependent on anyone but yourself.
Always keep in mind that your happiness is completely dependent on you. You have to be able to find your own sources of happiness and nourish them. Don’t depend on others to provide happiness for you.
8) Go all in.
When you go into a relationship you should make sure you put everything into it. Basically, don’t start a relationship with anyone you don’t see yourself with in the long-term. If you want to hook-up then there are ways to do it and don’t involve commitment. Go all in or don’t go at all. So that’s that.
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