For a long part of my life, I was beat down by circumstances. My father did a very good job to make me feel like I was not worthy of anything good. This, combined with my impoverished circumstances, contributed to a doom and gloom attitude that eventually led to self-destructive behaviors which were not healthy for me or anyone I cared about.
I lived this paradigm in which recognition from others determined my worthiness.
As a younger adult, I really lived this paradigm in which recognition from others determined my worthiness. As a child, somewhere along the way, the idea that others define your worthiness and the point is to prove it to them. Essentially, without this recognition and acknowledgment, I felt I wasn’t worthy of happiness, of my good fortune, of love, of the job I enjoy, of the results of hard work. My lack of perceived worthiness led me down a path on which I nearly destroyed everything I’d worked to build.
I lost a few friends I cared for dearly.
I lost money.
I lost trust.
And I nearly lost my relationship with my, now, husband.
Our relationship actually saved me because it was (and is) the one thing I was/am not willing to lose. I began to see a professional because I recognized a pattern of self-destructive tendencies in me. While these tendencies were definitely a problem, the real problem was my perception of self-worth.
It is our responsibility to recognize our worthiness
Finally, I recognized my worthiness has always been there and it was established by virtue of my birth. You see, I really do believe everyone and everything is placed on this planet for a reason. A tree produces oxygen, gives shade, brings joy, and may turn into a table or chair. Bacteria may cause an illness which in turn prevents someone from going somewhere which would might have led to something bad occurring. People make differences in other people’s lives in both good and bad ways…ultimately, all of these things coagulate into the bigger picture. Therein lies our worthiness.
It’s our responsibility to recognize our worthiness. No one else can determine it for us. In fact, we can’t even determine our own worthiness. The only thing we are able to do is see it for what it is intended to be. The biggest obstacle in all of our lives is a sense of unworthiness.
Good things only happen to those people.
I can’t date a good guy.
Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy.
Travel just isn’t for me.
I didn’t want to do that anyway.
These types of thoughts and ideas pull us down. The goal should be to move past thoughts like these and the idea that we are unworthy. We need to realize we are very worthy and then the universe and this concept will pour its bounty on to us.
So how do we overcome this false sense of unworthiness? The short answer is through mindful thinking and self-love. That’s easier said than done, of course. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to love ourselves.
1) Recognize Your Inner Worth
This is huge! Your worth comes from within you so stop looking outside of yourself for it. You set your own worth by recognizing its potential. When you attach your worth to things such as titles, page views, income, awards, and other people (to name a few), you are allowing everything else to determine it. Attaching your worth to external factors sets you up for failure and disappointment. The only constant in this situation is yourself…you are worthy on your own.
2) Set Achievable Goals
One of the biggest problems I had (and still have sometimes) was not knowing the limits of my productive power. In other words, I would have a list of 10,000 different things I needed to complete in one day in order to feel like I’d accomplished anything. I’m very goal oriented so it makes sense that I want to complete tasks that contribute to my bigger picture goals. But I was always frantically trying to finish my long list of tasks and then I’d feel guilty for not completing everything. I learned, instead, to set minor goals for the week and then break them into smaller tasks. Usually I set 7 goals for the week, then I work on sub-goals in order to accomplish my bigger goals. Ultimately all of this leads to accomplishing something huge. Ticking off the tasks I achieve each day helps me feel motivated to continue.
3) Say No
This one can be difficult (and one I have yet to master) but saying no can make a world of difference. People will always want you to do this or that and it is ok to help them out. But there are times when saying no is the best response. If you already have too much on your plate then don’t take on more than you can handle. Learning to say no, while not offending others, is very important for your mental health.
4) Take Care Of Yourself
Make sure to take the time to focus on yourself. This means take extra time in the morning to put lotion on your body or carry out a face cleansing regimen. Groom yourself, meditate, utter mantras, hug someone you love, cuddle with your dog or cat, or head to the gym. Whatever it is, make sure you do things that support your physical, spiritual, and mental well-being.
5) Express Your Gratitude
There are many moments throughout the day in which we might feel gratitude. Don’t just let these moments go…tell those with whom you interact that you are thankful for there hard work. there words of kindness, or whatever it may be. You can even go a step further and write down these moments when you’ve felt gratitude then when you are feeling blue, this list can help lift your spirits. Recognize these moments and the universe will reward you with more of these moments.
6) Forgive Yourself
We’ve all done things we regret, hurt someone we care for, or just did not do as well as we thought we could. Whatever it is that weights your conscience, let it go. Learn to forgive yourself and when you do, others will follow suit. It’ll feel like a weight is lifted from your shoulders and your life will brighten up.
7) Go For A Walk In The Rain
This is my favorite because it is a practice of self choice. You have the ability to decide for yourself. Most people think walking in the rain is silly because you’ll get wet. But BE silly if you want. Choosing to walk in the rain is an excellent exercise in finding worth in something that others might deem absurd. In other words, make your own decisions to do things that bring you happiness even if it is not conventional.
8) Help Others
Helping others is definitely a good thing. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen for the homeless or you could just pay for the next person’s coffee in line at your local Starbucks. Whatever it is, helping others always brings that warm and fuzzy feeling.
9) Face Your Fears
Everyone has something they are afraid of and the easiest way to overcome these things is to face them. For instance, I was afraid to go parasailing for some irrational reason. On a trip to Mexico, I decide I would just do it. I was so scared as it started happening but once I was up there, I felt so grateful I’d gone through with it. It helped me to feel more confident and I gained a sense of joy from the experience. In the same way, facing your own fears can bring a boost to your self-esteem and cause a sense of happiness and fulfillment.
10) Relish A Moment For Yourself
Take the time everyday to relish in a moment. Maybe you enjoy a cup of tea or coffee…or maybe you enjoy sitting in silence as you listen to the sounds of birds in your backyard. Whatever it is, take the time to relish in that moment and remind yourself to relinquish control. Ultimately, we are not in control of time and the way things go…we can only make choices to try to make it better. Relish in these small moments to bring calm to your life.
Spread the good karma…Pin Me!