I’m Married & Travel Solo…And It’s OK!

Anyone who reads my blog knows I am married. In fact, I describe myself as just a married gay guy chasing the rainbow ’round the world. One of the greatest aspects of my life is obviously travel. These days, I am often traveling while my husband is back home working his 9-5 job…which he loves. But a lot of people tend to ask me questions about my relationship and travel. Many of you want to know just how marriage and solo travel mix. Let me just say: I’m married and solo travel. And we make it work! I'm Married And Solo Travel...it's ok. My Normal Gay Life Blog. Read more.

“How do you and your husband make it work?”

“Don’t you miss your husband?”

“Isn’t he afraid you could have an affair?”

“What if you get hurt or worst?”

The thing is, when it comes to Murphy’s Law, anything can go wrong and these situations don’t discriminate between being at home or being on the road. Bad situations can happen whether we are at home together or separated by many thousands of miles. That’s the nature of life and it’s important to be strong and know how to deal with these situations effectively. We can’t predict these things so it’s better not to focus on them but always be prepared.

Why it Works…

Do I miss my husband? Absolutely! But, in some ways, I really enjoy missing him. To me, the longing I feel for him when we are not together is a reaffirmation of my love for him. For the 2017 Euro Tour, I’m spending 3 months traveling around Europe largely separate from my husband. Before I left, I prepared tons of meals which I froze because of my concern and love for him. Even the idea of not being together stimulates loving action towards him. Spending time separate can reveal just how much you care for that person. After being together for 7 years, we definitely feel like we are in a pretty strong, committed relationship and know where we stand as far as being a functioning couple. Our relationship is solid and there is a strong level of trust between us…not to mention we are pretty good at communicating with one another.

I'm Married And Solo Travel...it's ok. My Normal Gay Life Blog. Read more.. Gay MarriageWhat marriage means…

You see, when we decided to get married, we essentially agreed to merge our lives. However, we discussed what that actually means and we agreed that the two separate people that existed before we met matter. Our individual identities, goals, dreams, and everything else did not simply vanish when we merged our lives. I know Alfred has big career goals within his field and he also wants to write a comic strip someday. He knows I love travel, creating things, and want to have a positive impact on the LGBT Community. So we respect each other’s goals and individuality. We did not necessarily become one when we married. Instead, we created a lasting life partnership based in love, trust, and respect. Of course, there is certainly always room for compromise. For instance, if Alfred needs to move elsewhere in order to pursue his goals then I’m hopping right on that bus. A reorganization of priorities is certainly necessary but giving up our goals is not on the table. I believe a good marriage or relationship should add value to our situation. It shouldn’t detract or destroy the good that is already there.

In other words, Alfred and I didn’t marry each other because we need each other. We married because we love one another and that includes the aspects that make us who we are individually and as a couple. We committed to one another because we want to make a life together in the grand scheme of things not because we want to possess one another. I belong to me and he belongs to himself. There are often reasons that we travel separately. For him, his work often takes him across the United States and the world. I can’t always travel with him but he needs to what is necessary in order to accomplish his goals and excel at life. The same goes for me. So, yes, we travel separately more often these days but that’s OK. It’s not like we try to spend all of our time separate but it happens. It’s part of life…an aspect of our jobs and we are going to enjoy it as much as possible because travel is awesome!

There are many reasons solo travel is great and it has its merits.

Appreciation for your Partner

The old saying, “Distance makes the heart grow founder” is absolutely true. For me, it’s always a bit difficult when Alfred drops me off at the airport but he’s not getting on a plane with me. Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop me from traveling. Spending time apart can do really awesome things for a relationship. I’ve explained some of it above but chalk it down to longing. I usually miss my husband when we aren’t together after a bit. So, time apart reminds me how amazing he is and the many things he contributes to my life. Not only that but traveling solo gives each of us the opportunity to be with ourselves. As RuPaul says, “if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you going to love somebody else?”

You’re the Master of Your Time

When you travel solo, you get to decide what you do with 100% of your time. Want to spend time laying on a beach, no problem. Want to explore an old library…why not? You are responsible for I'm Married And Solo Travel...it's ok. My Normal Gay Life Blog. Read more.yourself and your journey. There’s no need to consult anyone about what you should do. That freedom is incredible. Just make a decision and go!

Confidence

You’ll find yourself in some hairy situations as a solo traveler. But it’ll be OK. You will definitely figure it out. Eventually, you’ll feel a lot more confident in your ability to get around, communicate with others, and occupy your time on your own. All of these things will transfer to other aspects of your life.

In the end, traveling solo while married or in a relationship really isn’t that big of a deal. We love to travel and prefer to do it together. But we know that will not always be possible because we are two separate individuals with unique goals and expectations. But what it really boils down to is trust. We worked for a long time to build our relationship up to a level of comfortable trust. We trust one another and value our relationship. We also trust that we will have amazing experiences, not put ourselves in dangerous situations, communicate if things go awry, and teach one another. Trust is probably the most important factor when it comes to our committed relationship and that makes solo travel possible..and even necessary.

We make it work and know that traveling solo is ok.


What do you think? Could  you give solo travel a try?


J Harvey

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I'm Married And Solo Travel...it's ok. My Normal Gay Life Blog. Read more.

J. Harvey

J Harvey is a travel writer based in North Carolina. With two masters degrees, he decided to forget working a normal 9-5 job and instead create a travel blog focusing on travel for a more inclusive community. He hopes to increase LGBT representation within the travel industry while inspiring others to travel in whatever capacity.

mynormalgaylifegmail-com has 96 posts and counting.See all posts by mynormalgaylifegmail-com

20 thoughts on “I’m Married & Travel Solo…And It’s OK!

  • August 5, 2017 at 4:12 am
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    I love this post – congrats to you both for having an incredible relationship, and one which is strong enough to allow you to follow your own pursuits as well as enjoying a joint life. I totally agree that marriage is about respecting each other’s goals and individuality. I’m married, and I often travel alone – travel is something both myself and my husband like to do, so I’ll only travel alone in circumstances where I would enjoy the trip (group trips) but he wouldn’t (more individual), but ultimately, I agree that you don’t have to be joined at the hip because you’re together. If your connection and trust between each other is strong enough you can absolutely get through.

    Thanks for the inspirational post! XX

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:14 pm
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      Well, it took us quite a while and effort to get to this point, of course! I enjoy my time separate for sure!

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  • August 2, 2017 at 9:53 am
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    Firstly, I love your blog! Followed you on Facebook!
    I think its amazing that you can travel without your husband, I traveled without my partner once and honestly… I dont think it was for me… So I take my hat off to you 🙂 You right though, sometimes its a good thing to miss your partner. (Distance makes the heart grow fonder)

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:15 pm
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      Thanks so much! I’m glad you love it because that’s why I write! I definitely need my space and so does he. We have an open marriage which makes our lives a lot easier…but that’s a whole other story. Thanks for your support!

      Reply
  • August 1, 2017 at 9:07 pm
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    Thanks for sharing your story! I am married too and ever since I’ve always been traveling together. But this year, as we travel more and more, he found it exhausting and he sometimes misses working too! So we have come to a compromise that maybe sometimes we will travel without each other. That’s maybe healthier for the relationship too!

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:16 pm
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      I think it can be healthier! I also think it’s healthy to pursue the things you love regardless! Good for you!

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  • August 1, 2017 at 4:45 pm
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    I love your attitude. I have a lot of friends who can’t even leave to another city without their boyfriend/girlfriend… for me it is crazy. I’m single and I travel whenever I want and I can do whatever I want to do 🙂 I like it and I think that even if we are in a beautiful relationship with someone we still need a space and freedom 🙂

    Best,
    Kasia

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:17 pm
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      Yeah, I agree! To be fair, our relationship is anything but conventional. We have an open marriage and I think that really helps with it all. So I have my freedom and so does he. It just works for us.

      Reply
  • July 31, 2017 at 3:02 am
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    Love the positive attitude and recognising that just because you are married, doesn’t mean your individual dreams, personas and desires have to change! We’ve been married for a long time and share this attitude as well. We both travel solo for work and play and trust each other and have enough respect for each other to realise solo travel has nothing to do with feelings about your partner. Of course, in saying that, I love travelling with Guy 🙂

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:18 pm
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      Oh I love traveling with my husband…it’s always so much more fund that way. I’m glad you have a healthy understanding relationship. 🙂

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  • July 31, 2017 at 2:27 am
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    I hear you! I travel with and without my boyfriend all the time. If he doesn’t want/ can’t go somewhere with me, I go on my own! I think it is healthy for a relationship to have some time apart and your own interests!

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:18 pm
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      Yup! I’m not letting my life partner put my goals on hold. And I certainly don’t expect him to do it either.

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  • July 30, 2017 at 11:42 am
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    I’m married an leave my husband relatively frequently both for work and for personal travel goals. He understands there are things I want to achieve which are not part of his life plan and we trust each other implicitly. Being away from him definitely make me appreciate him more and I miss him like crazy but I love that he feels comfortable enough that this isn’t a big deal

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:20 pm
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      And that’s the best way to live. I belong to me! And he gets that!

      Reply
  • July 30, 2017 at 9:30 am
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    Lots of people who are married have divergent tastes and figure out ways to live their lives completely despite those. Its such a good thing to give each other space to pursue activities of choice.

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:22 pm
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      Exactly…and if you marry a travel blogger, ya better be prepared!

      Reply
  • July 29, 2017 at 6:50 am
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    Hey Jose! I absolutely SALUTE your attitude about marriage and solo travel. You guys are the best example of how couples should really be. Most people these days completely give up and forget who they once were when they were single, simply because they became part of a relationship. In my opinion, there is nothing more wrong than that. Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re definitely an inspiration 🙂

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:23 pm
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      Oh yeah! From the very beginning we had that understanding. So it’s just an intrinsic part of who we are as a couple! Thanks for you support!

      Reply
  • July 29, 2017 at 6:47 am
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    Totally agree. Traveling alone gives us that much needed space from our partners and helps the love grow:-)

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    • August 5, 2017 at 10:23 pm
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      🙂

      Reply

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