Advice For The Everyday Gay Joe & Jane

Dear Jason,

I remember how you used to be able to send a message as anonymous, so I'm going to put a bogus email address, cause it doesn't seem to be letting me not put one in.  I really don't want to put my email address in, I hope that is okay.  

I have sort of a struggle meeting guys that are guy, and i was wondering how can I tell if a guy is gay or not? I am 17 and it is impossible for me to find guys my own age. I have strong feelings towards some guys, but some of them I really think are gay and some I just wish were.  How can I know for sure? And how should I go about it?

-Anonymous

Dear Brandy,

I've got a huge problem on my hands, and I'm really hoping you can help me out, as I have nowhere else to turn.  

I have visited your site many times in the past couple of months, reading your advice columns, and i was/am a little worried that you are no longer doing that anymore.  I like what you have done with the new website set up!  I hope you can still give me advice...

I'm fifteen, a sophomore in high school with a great boyfriend whom I find very attractive.  However, when we "mess around" I almost always go along with him just to get it over with. I feel like I'm denying him something that he should have, so I pretend to have a good time. Truth is, I'm rather shy when it comes to things like this, and besides that, I'm not usually having a good time at all!  It just seems so easy for guys to get aroused and know what to do! On top of all this, I have, as of late, begun to have sexual feelings for females. I really believe I'd like a female/female experience, but I'll probably never have one. I have never fantasized about a guy when I masturbate. It's always girls that excite me like that. I often chalk it up to be admiration... I just don't know anymore!!

Please help me!  Am I bisexual?  Am I homosexual?  Am I straight?  I'm so confused!  What am I going to say to my friends and family, who assume me to be "normal" and like only the opposite sex?  I find both sexes attractive sexually, but isn't that normal for teenagers?  I'd really like to find out just what I am!

Thank you very much!!
Worried and Confused

Dear Brandy, 

I don't get my life. I came out to my family, went on a few dates and I figured I would finally be able to the feel a weight lifted off. It feels like more weight has been put on.   I have guilt for some reason. I figured this trip home would really help me accept who I am, but my mother was accepting but didn't seem to deal well with it.
   For my birthday she got me a card that said in the halmark tone that I'm wasting my life but she'll sit back and watch me make my mistakes. My brothers are approving on face value, but I really don't know how the feel. I thought I was strong enough to where it didn't matter what they thought, but I'm not. I can't take this much any more.  Depression from guilt I can't trace to its origins. I hate to think of suicide as an option, but it comes pounding into my head when all of the disturbances of life vanish. I don't know what to do.  I can assure you I'm not going to seek help past here, so therapy and suicide hotlines are out. I've been through therapy before and it obviously didn't help. Where is the freedom I'm supposed to feel? Why is there an emptiness inside of me so deep that I could just crumble like a hollow shell of ancient paper?

-Anonymous